


Help

by writerwisegirl



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Virgil calls Logan L, Virgil finds Logan’s ability to remain calm comforting, Virgil gets a hug, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 23:06:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16983522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writerwisegirl/pseuds/writerwisegirl
Summary: Virgil knew he should tell them before it got it really bad again. But he was so tired. He’d tell them tomorrow. Maybe.He didn’t.Or: Virgil is having suicidal thoughts again but he can’t seem to ask for help





	Help

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I wrote it at 1 am it’s very minimally edited. Be kind?

Virgil was trying to sleep when it happened. It was late, and he was tired, and the thought just floated through his head. 

‘It would be so much easier if I was just dead. I wouldn’t have to worry about everything, it would just be so simple.’ 

It took him a moment, but he suddenly realized he was actually seriously contemplating suicide and he quickly slammed on the brakes. 

‘Nope, not doing that again.’ He told himself, rolling over and trying to sleep once more. But of course it couldn’t be that easy. The thought refused to go away, forcing itself to the front of his mind no matter how many times he pushed it away, and after a few minutes he realized that his nails were digging into his arms and finally gave up all pretense of sleep and sat up in bed, pressing his palms flat against his thighs. 

“Fuck.” He muttered quietly. “Dammit, I can’t do this again.” He knew he should really go get Patton or Roman or Logan, he knew they would help him, or at the very least stop him. And yet…. and yet he couldn’t. Because really, wouldn’t be easier for them if he was dead? They wouldn’t have to put up with his constant worrying. They could go out more if they weren’t worried about how it would affect him. So really, he reasoned, he would be doing them a favor. Then, once again, he forced himself to slam on his mental brakes. Because no, that wasn’t true. Because they loved him, and they would miss him. And, he was an important part of their group. He helped balance out the others when they got to crazy. If he was dead, who would intervene when Logan and Roman were arguing? Who would comfort Patton when he was upset? And besides, he couldn’t die now. He had a package coming next week. So he had to wait until next week at least. But then again, Christmas was coming up, and he would hate to spoil the holiday for everyone else. With a sigh he lay back down, curling into a ball under the covers. He knew he should ask for help before it got really bad again, but he was so tired. He’d talk to the others tomorrow. Maybe. 

 

*******

 

He didn’t tell them tomorrow. They just seemed so happy and he didn’t want to worry them. So he held his tongue. Besides, he thought, it wasn’t that bad. It was just one time. But the thought came back a few days later. He was sitting in the living room, watching a movie with the others. They had debated going out but in the end decided to stay home. He knew it was for his sake. If he was dead this wouldn’t be happening. They would be out having fun. After a moment he shook himself and forced his attention back to the movie. He would tell them when it was over. 

 

*********

 

He didn’t. It was another few weeks before he did. The thought kept coming back and it wasn’t until he was up in the middle of night again, studying a sliver of metal in his palm that he realized he needed help. Now. Throwing the razor down on his bed, he stood up shakily, pulling on his sweatshirt to hide the still open cuts along his forearms. He walked to Patton’s room and had almost knocked before he hesitated. He knew he couldn’t do this more than once, so he would have to find a way to get everyone up in the middle of the night. He hurried to the kitchen and grabbed a pen and paper before going back to Patton’s room. He jotted down a quick note and set it on the floor before knocking. Once he was sure Patton was coming, he hurried away to the living room. 

 

*********

 

Patton frowned when he opened his door after hearing a knock in the middle of the night and found no one there. He looked around and quickly spotted a note on the floor and picked it up and flicked on the light in his room so he could read it. 

 

_ Get the others and meet me in the living room. Please  _

_ -V _

 

Patton frowned again at that, but he did as the note asked, going to find Logan first. He woke up Logan with little trouble, explaining what little he knew of the situation quickly, then they both went to get Roman, who would likely be much harder to wake up. He was. It took them a few minutes but soon enough they had a groggy and grumpy Roman following them to the living room, complaining about how early it was, and really, what could be so important that it would warrant Virgil to wake them all up this early? However, as soon as they walked into the living room and Logan turned on the lights, he stopped complaining. 

 

********

 

Virgil was curled up in an armchair, and when he looked up as the others entered the room his eyes looked broken. 

“Virgil?” Patton asked quietly, “What’s going on bud?” 

“I need help.” Was Virgil’s only response, and it was his broken whisper that spurred the others into action. Patton hurried forward, pulling Virgil out of the armchair and onto the couch so that he could hold him. Logan crouched on the ground in front of them, knowing he was most likely to remain calm through….whatever came next, and that that would be comforting to Virgil. Roman sat down on Virgil’s other side, a comforting hand on his leg, ready to whatever he could to help. 

“Virgil,” Logan began quietly “Would you mind telling us what it is that you need help with?” He asked. 

Virgil looked at him for a moment, taking in his calm but comforting expression before nodding. “I...I think, I’m suicidal again.” He whispered. Patton’s arms tightened around him at that, and he could a quick intake of breath from Roman, but Virgil kept his eyes on Logan, whos expression remained the same as always. 

“Thank you for telling us that Virgil. I know it was very hard.” Logan told him, reaching forward to squeeze Virgil’s hand slightly. “Could you please tell us how long you’ve been feeling this way?” The response was slightly quicker this time, as Virgil seemed assured that Logan would remain calm no matter what he said. 

“A few weeks.” He murmured, looking away, but Logan’s hand was quickly under his chin, lifting it up gently. 

“It’s going to be okay Virgil.” He promised calmly. “We can handle this.” Virgil nodded slowly, tears finally welling up in his eyes as he took in his friends surrounding him, and he launched himself at Logan with a sob. Logan caught him easily, lowering the both of them to sit on the floor and Virgil sobbed into his pajama shirt, murmuring incoherently. It was a few more minutes before any of them could make out what he was saying. 

“I hurt myself.” Virgil said when he could be understood again, pulling back from Logan slightly to tug his sweatshirt off. His arms weren’t as bad as they could have been, and they certainly weren’t as bad as they had been in the past. Still, it was a moment before anyone said anything. Then Roman stood up. 

“I’ll go get some supplies, Patton, why don’t you go search his room.” He said. Patton nodded and the two of them left. 

“I’m sorry L.” Virgil murmured “I’m so sorry.” 

“Hey now, none of that. It’s okay Virgil. We’ve done this before, we can do it again. I’m just glad you came to us, that you let us help you.” Once again Virgil gave a broken sob and leaned back into Logan. He was starting to fall asleep by the time the others got back, but jerked quickly awake again when he felt someone touching his arm. He opened his eyes to see that Logan had repositioned them so that Virgil was sitting between his legs, leaning against his chest. Roman was crouched in front of him, carefully cleaning dried blood off his arms with a wet towel. Virgil stayed still and quiet until Roman had finished, cleaning and wrapping his arms with a speed and ease and born of months of practice. Sometime while Roman was working Patton had come back down, depositing a plastic bag in the trash before joining the others again. Once Roman was done he suggested that perhaps they should watch a movie, as they weren’t likely to get much more sleep now. The others agreed, and soon the were rearranged on the couch, Virgil sandwiched snugly between Logan and Roman. He fell asleep halfway through The Princess Bride. 

**Author's Note:**

> This started off as a vent fic and then it took on a life of its own. In all seriousness though, if you’re having the kind of thoughts Virgil is here, ask for help. Depression sucks. If you need anything you can find me on Tumblr @liz-a-bell. Don’t hesitate to ask me for help


End file.
